No matter how I think I connect or want to understand their life I can’t. Not really. Not all of it. I don’t get life not being raised in a church. Not always, ALWAYS, having a bible and knowing how to look up a passage without the index.
I will never connect with having an addiction that destroys your life or holding a sign that says “homeless, please help”. I don’t understand what life is really like for a man whose life span is shorter just because of the color of his skin. I want to. But I can’t. So I am who I am. We are who we are. With them. In front of them.
New Year’s Eve at the Center included karaoke after the watchnight service. What a combo! As the karaoke was winding down (and it was a laugh riot) Henry stands up, takes the mic, looks at his phone where he’s looked up lyrics and starts singing. To me. Coming closer and closer. I think it was some cheesy Elvis song but I really don’t remember because I only felt my face getting hotter and kept giving him the “cut it” sign as he crept closer and grinned bigger. I was one of two women in a room full of men. The place erupted in applause and it was finally over.
He wasn’t doing that for the men. He was doing that because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me, to have him show his affection like that. He likes making me squirm. Seeing my face redden and me not being able to hide. Anywhere. He was just being him. My husband. The man who has loved me for what seems like forever and, somehow, loves me more.
It was the following week in a staff meeting when I find out quite a few of the men had gone to the intake counselor to tell her about it and how much they loved it. They loved seeing me squirm, first of all, but mostly, seeing love. This surprised me. A lot. That they would think anything other than how funny it was to see “Mrs. Major” get all red and wriggle in her seat the closer “the Major” got.
There’s so much I’ll never get about their lives. Maybe that’s the point. The point of grace for one. Grace that allows us to be us and allows them to be who they are…..struggling, imperfect, broken, searching, loving, celebrating. All of us together. Sharing grace. Sharing love. Sharing God.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found was blind but now I see.
January 10th, 2013 at 8:17 am
Beautiful my friend. I’m not sure I get alcoholism as much as ED’s, but as you know my PONTIFICATING theories include many similarities of subsequent behaviors from having addictions to alcohol and food. Broken, isolated, DYING for love, dying to have PEOPLE in [our] lives, but unable to break the marriage to “substance”.
So I get this: Showing love, seeing love, FEELING love is the absolute thing we crave (all of us) but especially those who loved a substance that could not, and never will love us back: However it would never disappoint us either (we got the same result from the same behavior: always).
Soon the predictability of “same results” gets outweighed by wanting to Love to seek Grace. The goodness of love outweighs the fear of what love can do: Both the good and the [hurt].
I’m sure this is not news to you, my friend: You are wise, and you know who you are, and you’ve been around your men forEVER.
Love is everything. I remind myself of that daily (during my financial angst’s, my failing eyes, my thinning hair) … i may be mortal, imperfect, but I am deserving and capable of LOVE and that’s all you need. LOVE!
Try NOT to blush my squirmy friend! HOW SWEET HENRY IS! XO MEL
January 10th, 2013 at 8:31 am
Mel, THANK YOU! Really, you said things in a way that really help me connect some of the issues here. I so easily miss them because I need things S-P-E-L-L-E-D out for me
I’ll be re-reading your comment to let it sink in deeper.
I guess the Beatles were right after all: All you need is love! I’m rather partial to a part of the bible that talks about love being a “more excellent way”. big love to you, my friend. xo
January 10th, 2013 at 9:50 am
Your post spoke volumes to me. I too am one of those people who just don’t get it — I don’t understand addiction, homelessness, being unchurched,and not knowing the saving grace of Jesus Christ. But the one thing that binds us together, those who understand and experience that life and those who don’t, is exactly what those men witnessed on New Year’s Eve at the expense of your embarrassment.
It’s love in action. And that’s what you and your Major do every day with those men, show them love and grace.
January 10th, 2013 at 8:22 pm
Thanks, Cindy. I know I’m in good company – all around!
January 10th, 2013 at 10:00 am
As Our 17 year old granddaughter would say “That’s what’s Up” !!
January 10th, 2013 at 8:23 pm
Love that, aunt Bree
January 10th, 2013 at 8:25 pm
Mel is so right…I’ve had several addictions in life and the guys seeing real and genuine love shows them other things are possible! Thanks for sharing and great job Henry! The singing…not the making you squirm
January 10th, 2013 at 8:28 pm
Judi, I’m blessed. Surrounded by love in many forms but all of us wanting the true love. Getting that share that, God’s love, is a privilege. I especially like it when I don’t even realize that’s what we’re doing. Means it’s all God!
January 10th, 2013 at 8:33 pm
You are sister!! He knows how to work ALL things for good!