I confessed. In front of you all. Some I know, many strangers. I look at the WordPress country stats and wonder who that person in Canada is that reads these feeble words and how random things seem to be.
I hit the keys writing words from within to a screen and hit “publish” not knowing where they will land, only knowing I need to get them out. I need to process the internal and this helps.
In the end it is you that help. The prayers you have said and are saying and God who is listening, always listening.
What I’ve noticed is that not until I confess do I see his presence. When I profess these fears and uncertainties, my broken places and self-doubt, when I acknowledge I’m in the way, it allows me to see Him. It’s like clearing a blockage and the blockage is me.
This conference I’m at this week was planned months ago. The guest speaker had to cancel two weeks ago due to a broken knee. The man filling in on short notice is speaking on prayer. How perfect. Prayer. Specifically, taking us through what we call the Lord’s Prayer and those words……”thy will be done”, not my will be done.
There are two other guests this week. From Haiti. They have been sharing with us their personal journey of faith and their hope is strengthening me. I spoke with her, Yvrose, this morning. She told me she and her husband have to leave back to Haiti Friday because of me. We laughed and she began to talk to me about the children’s home we’ll be visiting.
We were joined by another woman who heads up Ties that Matter. Her group teaches Haitian women to sew dolls and make braided wristlets out of men’s ties. This simple act has empowered Haitian families to provide for themselves. Laura spoke of a new goal she has of a school to train more women. Her budget is $1600 for a year. That includes a generator to power electric sewing machines and all the equipment plus food for the students. My sister-in-law and I were able to commit our two ARC’s to fund this program for a year and I haven’t even left the country!
It seems I cannot turn without knowing He Is With Me. Removing the blockage has cleared my eyes to see beyond myself. To see Him.
My fears cried out and this is how He answers.
Keep praying. I’m still a mess