I confessed. In front of you all. Some I know, many strangers. I look at the WordPress country stats and wonder who that person in Canada is that reads these feeble words and how random things seem to be.
I hit the keys writing words from within to a screen and hit “publish” not knowing where they will land, only knowing I need to get them out. I need to process the internal and this helps.
In the end it is you that help. The prayers you have said and are saying and God who is listening, always listening.
What I’ve noticed is that not until I confess do I see his presence. When I profess these fears and uncertainties, my broken places and self-doubt, when I acknowledge I’m in the way, it allows me to see Him. It’s like clearing a blockage and the blockage is me.
This conference I’m at this week was planned months ago. The guest speaker had to cancel two weeks ago due to a broken knee. The man filling in on short notice is speaking on prayer. How perfect. Prayer. Specifically, taking us through what we call the Lord’s Prayer and those words……”thy will be done”, not my will be done.
There are two other guests this week. From Haiti. They have been sharing with us their personal journey of faith and their hope is strengthening me. I spoke with her, Yvrose, this morning. She told me she and her husband have to leave back to Haiti Friday because of me. We laughed and she began to talk to me about the children’s home we’ll be visiting.
We were joined by another woman who heads up Ties that Matter. Her group teaches Haitian women to sew dolls and make braided wristlets out of men’s ties. This simple act has empowered Haitian families to provide for themselves. Laura spoke of a new goal she has of a school to train more women. Her budget is $1600 for a year. That includes a generator to power electric sewing machines and all the equipment plus food for the students. My sister-in-law and I were able to commit our two ARC’s to fund this program for a year and I haven’t even left the country!
It seems I cannot turn without knowing He Is With Me. Removing the blockage has cleared my eyes to see beyond myself. To see Him.
My fears cried out and this is how He answers.
Keep praying. I’m still a mess 
March 6th, 2013 at 8:27 am
It is “leveling” to admit our fears and human(ness). You are giving me courage without knowing it! Thank you for that. God DOES work in mysterious ways. I should pay attention!!!
XO
Sharing your reality is a great way to connect. I’m so proud and envious of you to be keeping us [honestly] updated!
March 6th, 2013 at 9:16 pm
Oh, melis, I do love your words. Yes, leveling. Perfect! what I know you’ll be doing is every time you look at your “special” doll, say a prayer for me and the children. While I’m there, I’m going to get a name for your doll. Won’t that be grand? A name and a picture of one of the children for you. You’ll be her earth angel. Oh, mel, I’m loving this more and more!
March 7th, 2013 at 8:18 am
I am so glad the anxiety is turning to excitement. I so often get the two mixed up! Still, I can understand both emotions. This is a big deal, but you are going to fit in so well. These children will love you so much. I wish I were doing something as exciting, brave and important.
A NAME, yes! SO excited! I have to take a picture of a doll my grandma made for me. She reminds me of this doll so much. XO
March 6th, 2013 at 8:28 am
P.S. I love my doll
March 6th, 2013 at 10:42 am
Morning
I thought of you yesterday when I heard these two songs
Whom Shall I fear by Chris Tomlin
Reckless by Jeremy Camp
In prayer
God Bless
susie
March 6th, 2013 at 9:19 pm
Susie, I haven’t had a chance to listen to the songs yet. We get home Thursday and I will before heading to Haiti. Thank you for the links. Different songs at our conference this week have been hitting that need in me and I know these will too. Thank you SO much!
March 7th, 2013 at 9:45 am
Prayers for your trip and your safety
God Bless
Hope you enjoyed your conference
susie
March 6th, 2013 at 11:58 am
Some of my favorite dessers look pretty messy, too, and you are a sweet mess, Dearest, the sweetest.
March 6th, 2013 at 9:20 pm
March 7th, 2013 at 3:31 am
Seeing beyond ourselves. That’s the thing, isn’t it, my friend. Sounds so simple and basic and turns out to be maybe the hardest thing of all.
Here you are, already making a difference there. And there He is, already making a difference for you here!
Praying as always