Last year’s calendar has been tossed and the new one hangs or glares as if to say, ‘here we go again’.
At the close of last year I was digging my heels in wanting to slow the earths rotation as if doing so would result in the slowing of time rather than atmospheric calamity.
Things were feeling too fast but once I slowed, once the last party was over and the house stood quiet for a day, I was ready for the break in rushing and doing and performing. I could breathe in freshness of a new day and look expectantly for family to arrive.
It seemed the new day had barely dawned when the talk was about the new year and new words and new habits and resolutions few would keep and fewer make. I brushed them aside as if swatting at flies but, again, time stood up and I took notice.
The last two years I chose a word for the year. The idea sounded good and simple. One word. Easy enough. Until I forgot it just like the assigned prayer partner I forgot several years ago. It happens.
The issue isn’t the word. It’s the expectations I put on myself and resulting let down and failure I feel and for what? I can be hard on myself. You too?
Not learning my lesson or hoping I’m a wiser person because of the failed attempts, I have another word. It may not be for the year (thanks Cindy) or for any specified time. But it is for now.
Listen without formulating my response while another is talking.
Listen with focused attention.
Listen to the roar of the ocean and the silence of the sandpipers on the shore.
Listen to the words read allowing them to break or mend my heart, both parts of being whole.
Listen to the words I don’t like, the ones I don’t want to hear. Listen with quiet, slowing my breath to digest and allow God’s spirit space to speak. This will be a test I will fail, often. But one I will repeat again and again.
Listen to the rhythms of life and learn to distinguish between the voices of will and want and the voice of my maker.
As I write those words this one small word seems suddenly bigger. Too much? Perhaps. I know there will be failures but I know there will be victories. Not small victories because how can triumph ever be measured anyway but big?
They will not be my victories. Not alone because they will not be won alone but only with Him. The One who listens each time I call and hears my every breath.