Discomfort Zone

He said it was out of his comfort zone. That when he came in for recovery he decided to do things that were different. It didn’t feel good but he wasn’t sure he remembered what it was like to feel good. The good that was healthy and lasted longer than the alcohol induced good.

He would try. He would try this day by day and it didn’t feel comfortable. It wasn’t anything he was use to. But that was the point.

I was thinking it might be nice to run away. Just me and him, my him, in that little place near a beach that lives only in my mind. Run away from emails from people wanting me to intervene for them, to put aside rules and override staff.

Messages I doubt she’ll remember she sent as its ramblings were surely written under the influence of something other than sanity.

Family wondering if we’ve heard from a brother who was once a part of this place but now has been out of contact for a few years.

This isn’t comfortable and I wonder if that’s the real point of ministry; to get a glimpse of how God must shake his head at our empty promises made with bold-faced words. Our profession of belief that turns cold when we realize more than words are required.

“Jesus clearly taught the twelve disciples about surrender, the necessity of suffering, humility, servant leadership, and nonviolence. The men resisted him every time, and so he finally had to make the journey himself and tell them, “Follow me!” But we avoided that, too, by making the message into something he never said: “Worship me.” Worship of Jesus is rather harmless and risk-free; actually following Jesus changes everything.” – Richard Rohr

The music washes over us soothing and embracing as hands raise with voices, this worship is comfortable and easy and this is loving Jesus, yes? Harmless and risk-free as Richard Rohr wrote. This is the kind of Jesus I want, the one who loves everyone and we all win because we’re singing these songs and feeling His spirit. In this room. On this day.

I’ve been wrestling for weeks now. Wanting to live in that last paragraph, the comfortable Jesus. I’ve been wanting to walk away and too many days have been going through the motions. If I’m brutally honest, I want out. Out of making decisions and out of living by others. Out of being places I’d rather not be, of going places not chosen by me.

And there it is: me.

He said it was out of his comfort zone. He would try this new way. It didn’t feel comfortable, but that was the point.

 “If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.” Matthew 10:38-39, the Message

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee to #TellHisStory