“I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.” ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
The word I chose for this year is embrace. I want to be mindful to take hold of what is in front of me be it change or grief.
One of the tangible things I’ve begun as I process my grief is to name things I’d lost. My hope is that specificity would help me name what my feelings represent.
Two specific areas have impacted my life: frequent moving and the loss of parents. Here’s what I wrote several months ago.
Loss (as it pertains to moving)
- familiar place
- doctors and dentist
- hair salon
- knowing where you’re going
- culture of place
- sense of history
- knowing where you’re from
The loss of a parent:
- shared history
- one who has known you all of your life
- family stories
- stories you’ve yet to ask them
Recently I’ve added these losses:O
Moving has had as much impact on me as my parent’s divorce. Perhaps it’s because their divorce created and accelerated the moving to once every 6 months during my high school years.
Moving, no matter the circumstances, is considered one of life’s major stressors. By the time I was 17 I had lived in 13 cities, 7 states and attended 13 schools from grades 1-12.
I think there is value in naming our loss. I believe it helps validate our feelings. It reminds me there is a legitimate reason for my feelings. I don’t have to stay in mourning but there are reasons grief looms like a shadow in my life.
If grief is going to be my faithful companion I’m going to do my best to learn what it has to teach me.
I’m going to let it move me to the point of tears but I’m also going to let it move me through the tears.
Yes, grief is the process of sorrow. People will say you’re so brave to go through this. Grieving isn’t the brave part. Having hope is brave.
Feel your way through the grief and embrace the hope of a new beginning.