Rewind

The wonder challenge is over. Done. It seemed abrupt. An email saying the previous day’s word was the last and I just stared at the screen.

The timing was good, really. I was on the Gulf side of the state for a women’s retreat and would be coming home to a flurry of activity so not having to post daily was a welcome relief, but. I learned I need the reminders, the prompts, to look for these incredible ways God has of surprising, delighting, filling my life with wonder.

reflection

I wrote out the word prompts:

beauty

reflection

time

hope

creation

forgiveness

silence

relationship

sky

stillness

dream

prayer

letter

you

sunset

rest

God

restore

appreciation

meaning

listening

Staring at the list only a few sparked much memory of what I wrote about that days wonder. Like a to-do list in my head I check it off and it’s gone. Some were easy like listening, appreciation, sunset and creation. Some I had to go back to see what I wrote, what inspired that days wonder. And then there were the hard ones: stillness and beauty. Those two got me. The hardest being beauty. And it’s the hard things that seem to teach the best lessons or reveal the hardest truths.

mama

But it was the word silence that struck my heart with such force, God revealing his amazing wonder so clearly. I was comforted and saddened at the same time. Thankful and sorrowful. God using a woman with Alzheimer’s, a woman who cannot call me her daughter because she doesn’t know me, and he still uses her to touch another. To touch many.

There is little wonder in the world today. We send messages around the world instantly. With a few keys pushed on my laptop a screen comes up  and we have a face to face talk with our granddaughter who lives 5 hours from here. A nurse put some goo above my eyebrows, rubbed the machine on it and could see I had a sinus infection. Limbs are routinely reattached and knowing the gender of your baby one month into pregnancy is the norm.

a glimpse of creations wonder

Our children don’t know record players or clothes lines. They’ve never used a typewriter and don’t know we used to boil hot dogs. But they can know wonder.

The official challenge is over. My new challenge is to hold fast to seeing God’s wonder. His wonders cannot be duplicated by man though he often chooses us to reveal His wonder. Stay with me on this. I want to share our wonders together. A community of wonder. Nice.

 

 

Listen(ing)

A challenge in the 21 Days of Wonder I can quickly dive into. Margaret Feinberg, you have given me an “easy button”. Reading the title: Listen, I thought, uh-oh. This could get ugly. As I read on I was relieved to see her suggestion is to listen to a song that’s been particularly meaningful in my spiritual journey.

Our ordination (Thankful the women’s hats are no more!)

Because Henry and I went a different route for our ordination we had a personal ceremony. It was shared with our family and local congregation and we had the privilege of planning the program and selecting who would present our Commission to us. We didn’t have a soloist to perform the song I immediately knew I wanted as part of this special time so we had it played. On tape. Remember those? The singer/songwriter was Larry Norman and his a voice not a lot would probably find the best. It wasn’t his voice but the words and how they were sung in humble, pleading, confessing way. The kind of words I want to be but fall so short and just hearing the song still brings a bowing heart and damp eyes. The song: I Am a Servant

I am a servant, I am listening for my name,
I sit here waiting, I’ve been looking at the game
That I’ve been playing, and I’ve been staying much the same
When you are lonely, you’re the only one to blame.

I am a servant, I am waiting for the call,
I’ve been unfaithful, so I sit here in the hall.
How can you use me when I’ve never given all,
How can you choose me when you know I’d quickly fall.

So you feed my soul and you make me grow,
And you let me know you love me.
And I’m worthless now, but I’ve made a vow,
I will humbly bow before thee.
O please use me, I am lonely.

I am a servant getting ready for my part,
There’s been a change, a rearrangement in my heart.
At last I’m learning, there’s no returning once I start.
To live’s a privilege, to love is such an art
But I need your help to start,
O please purify my heart, I am your servant

God, I offer these words and me to you again. For you to feed my soul and make me grow because you have always shown how you love me. Your love never fails. It is never dependent on me. Serving is the privilege and blessing you give. May these words be my words. I am your servant.

 

Meaning?

Curly Bee. His given name. I saw it on his driver’s license. He sat in front of me, a 40-something bald man named Curly. Curly Bee. I don’t remember his last name. It was probably Smith or Brown. Something completely uninteresting.

Then there was the man named Malice. What were his parents thinking?

My brother’s names are derivatives of our parents names. Paul, from our mother Pauline, and Joe, the same middle name as our father.  Granny took credit for that.

maternal grandmother’s bible

daughters dedication certificate

love that we have the original

 

My name, Deborah, means bee. I’m guessing Queen Bee.

There were two Deborahs mentioned in the old testament, one, a nurse (definitely not me) and the other a judge. The Jewish people have been ahead of the rest of us as it pertains to women. Even BC (before Christ) Jewish women were in positions of authority. A judge. Not judgmental.

my scouting days!

I asked mama years ago why she named me Debby/Deborah. She liked the name. Simple. She liked it. I also asked why she spelled Debby with a Y and she said she thought that was how it was spelled. That’s mama. Not complicated.

Today’s wonder challenge is meaning; to look up and explain your name’s meaning. We have no exotic stories in our family. Henry is a junior but more likely a third or even fourth. He chose our sons names from the bible: Jonathan – the best friend and Paul – a great speaker/preacher. He also chose our daughter’s name: Heather. The middle name stumped us for a while until his sister suggested Lee and it sounded good to me. It’s my middle name and turns out she is the fourth generation of girls in my family to have that middle name.

Names can be interesting or perplexing and sometimes you just want to say “huh?”

I couldn’t wait for the third year of scout camp. The third year girls got to camp out, make an Indian dress and received an Indian name. Our group leaders would choose the name and it was presented to us at the campfire ceremony on the final night of camp. I still remember mine. Translated it meant: little leader. It was as if they had spoken a blessing over me when I received that. I wanted to live up to that name.

from CreationSwap.com

made with Wordle @wordle.net

Sadly, the name Christian has a tarnished meaning these days. In recent surveys where people were asked what they thought of Christians one of the top three answers is judgmental. (The other two answers are equally unflattering. For more, click on this link) While my biblical namesake was a judge I do not want to be known as judgmental, though I know it fits far too often.

The good news is, the name Jesus is still respected. See, people like him, they just don’t like us too much. The One we have been called to follow and we’ve blown it. Jesus: gentle, loving, accepting, forgiving, healer. He hung out with the “low-life” of the day and gave the church leaders fits by healing on their Sabbath and not condemning adulteress women. And we….well, we’ve not always followed His example have we? Christian?

What name are you living up to?

 

Appreciation

“What’s the magic word?” I listen to our daughter remind her daughter of the magic word and wonder how many generations this has been taught. It’s one of the first expressions we teach our children even though we often forget ourselves. Please and thank you sound simple and carry great weight.

Make a list of the people who have made a difference in your life. Express your gratitude to three of them.

I like to think I’ve learned that lesson well saying thank you loud and often. There are times it doesn’t feel enough. They are mere words. But I know they hit their mark just as when those words are said to me.

Daddy use to tell of one of his Salvation Army appointments where they received a generous donation from a local resident. He personally wrote a gracious letter of thanks which prompted the donor to give more. Daddy said he wasn’t sure to send another thank you or not as he didn’t want the donor to think he was asking for more!

When we first met Ron and Carol they were our new pastors being appointed to our local Salvation Army. He was bold and loud and funny and knows no strangers. She is quiet and tireless and, somehow, puts up with him. We both have children the same ages and were in the same grades. They went to school together several years and often the school administration weren’t sure who belonged to who. A group of blond-haired, brown-eyed kids with one of the other parent at pick-up times. We sat at softball and basketball games together and worshipped together on Sunday. They quickly became friends. It was under their ministry we answered God’s call to full-time service.

Ron and my brother

We have been shared many good times and been through difficult times together. They have been mentors, though never asking for that role. Ron and Carol continue to model excellence to me. I am ever grateful for their presence in our lives.

And then there’s Phylis. This woman has been so much to us. To me. First, she was our daughter’s fifth grade teacher. Her easy laugh and dedication to teaching was compelling. She was our sons teacher and she loved him. She understood boys. She challenged her students but disguised it as fun. She prayed with them and for them. She fast became my friend. She is mama’s age and has filled in for her often as she listens to my heart. Phylis knows how much she means to me. If she doesn’t, she hasn’t been listening. It’s been many years since our children were in her class but our ties have remained. She is amazing!

Again, God has shown us his immense wonders in so many he has placed in our lives. Thank you, Father, for Ron, Carol, Phylis, they are but representatives of many others who have touched our lives with grace and love.

 

 

Restore

It seems like a lifetime ago when we owned our little home just a few miles from where we are now. It was a lifetime, another life where we had different roles and children filling the house with energy and words and smiles.

It was a two bedroom one bathroom house that was what we could afford but we’d outgrow quickly. Amazing we lived in that place 14 years with growing children and never a problem with the one bathroom. We enjoyed learning our hand at things to make it a home. Henry’s skill at really, everything, meant we could buy an old sofa and he’d restore it to something useful and attractive. A few sheets of plywood would become an entertainment center. He transformed our backyard from ordinary to a hub for our children and their friends.

Restored and ready to sell

Refurbish, renovate, restore…it’s who we are.

When he prays to God,
    he will be accepted.
And God will receive him with joy
    and restore him to good standing. Job 33:26

Walking through the warehouse at the ARC I see piles of items that have been cast off by others. Everything will be sorted into usable (i.e. salable) and junk. Some will be baled and sold as rags as they are in no condition to be worn anymore. Minor repairs are made to some, upholstered furniture will be cleaned and the nicest will receive some refreshing. They will be restored.

restored life

restored life

I wonder if the men realize what they’re doing to these items, is also what God is doing to their lives? I cannot escape the imagery because it is right in front of me and it is a wondrous sight. That God does far more than patch, clean and smooth our imperfections. He can give a total restoration.

God, You know the places where I’ve worn thin and my failures that have left me broken. Restore me Lord, to your good standing.

God

To choose one attribute of God, a favorite characteristic, just one, would change according to what I need most at the time. Or where I am. His glory is my favorite when I see the sky or a restored life. His truth when I need assurance. His righteousness when I need justice in an upside down world.

So I’m not choosing a favorite attribute of God in today’s 21 Days of Wonder challenge. I’m taking the second option of declaring the promise of God I appreciate the most. That too is subject to change with my needs but his promises are certain, lasting and not according to whims of the will or heart. They are sure.

 

“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Three weeks ago I received a call asking if I was willing and available to go to Haiti. I’ve never been nor desired to go on a mission trip and surely that’s what this would be because it’s to Haiti. To be honest, the thought of going without some of our American comforts isn’t that appealing to me. A funny thing happened during that call. I didn’t start thinking of a nice way to decline.

Three days ago I found out I would be the leader of this group. Me. Who wasn’t looking for this and who’s never been outside the country except for pleasure and an educational trip. Definitely not to one of the most poverty-stricken areas on the planet.

“For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you.”

I’ve been asking questions. Practical ones. Who’s making the travel arrangements? Who determines what we’ll do? What must we take? Some answers have been given and some are not complete. I’m okay with that. He’s going ahead.

“He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

 

I’ll be with a group of 20-somethings going to a country that surely must feel God has abandoned them. The political corruption, the desperate need, the lack of sanitation, free education and clean water. Where is God?

I expect through this I will see more wonders of God than I could ever imagine. I expect I will find God in the midst of the poverty and substandard living. I know I will be met with people of faith who will assure me God has not left them. They have claimed this promise that He will neither fail nor abandon them. That leaves me wonderstruck!

Rest

Heaven and Earth were finished,
    down to the last detail.

^2-4 By the seventh day
        God had finished his work.
    On the seventh day
        he rested from all his work.
    God blessed the seventh day.
        He made it a Holy Day
    Because on that day he rested from his work,
        all the creating God had done. Genesis 2:1-4 the Message

I remember mama sitting in her chair reading the newspaper after dinner. Sometimes her eyes would close but when I’d ask if she was sleeping her answer would always be “Just resting my eyes”.

She was never one to nap except Sunday afternoons when after the big lunch she’d prepared, she’d take off her Salvation Army uniform, go to her room to study the Sunday School lesson for the next week. It was the only time during the week I ever saw that mama had to herself. She needed that rest. That time to refresh the body and soul to be fit for service.

Today’s challenge to see God’s wonder is rest. Rest so I can be fully awake to His wonders.

 

 

And I want to be all eyes to see and fully take in the wonders of God. I don’t want to be waiting for them but looking. Searching behind the person in front of me in line with 1 FULL cart, 10 coupons and writing a check. Who does that? Wonder, God, show me your wonder. I know it can be found if I look.

I’ve seen one turn cold to me this week, his spirit crushed a bit and he doesn’t understand the decision that was made. I know he’ll get through this and I’m waiting for that wonder, Your wonder that will come through the pain.

And another, a new face who looks scared wondering what is this place and how do I find my way? Was this the right thing? Reveal your wonder of assurance and healing.

Help me find my rest in you. In your peace, your promise and your love. Day after day after day.

 

Sunset

Saltwater Cowboy St. Augustine, FL

What the people in the first picture are looking at.

 

 

You (but really me)

If I’m to believe the WordPress stats, you’re tiring of the 21 Days of Wonder challenge. That’s okay. I’m not doing it for you. Yes, friends, this, specifically this post is for me. Today’s word prompt is You, meaning Me. Got that?

The suggestions aren’t to write about me and really, I don’t know what is left to tell, but to do something I like to do. So I did. Most weekends allow me to do at least one thing for me. With no family in the area and a husband that would rather golf on Saturday afternoon than anything else, I have “me” time. It’s amazing how much me time one can have with children and grandchild far and wide.

I played with needle and thread a bit stitching up some hearts to do nothing in particular with. They will probably stay nestled in a bowl or basket to add the color of February to our home.

I’ve read of Andy Stanley’s book Deep and Wide and highlighted nearly every other paragraph. I’m soaking up his thoughts and trying to let them sink deep.

We shared a gloriously beautiful winter day walking our beach and snapped some WONDERful pictures. I’m slowly learning this craft and very much enjoying an excellent camera that makes me look better. Luck plays a big part too all of it leaving me Wonderstruck at the beauty that surrounds us.

I finally got a decent capture of a gull in flight.

These were in a chase and so fun to watch.

They’re quite used to sharing the beach with us.

I have never seen the water do this. It almost looks like a jellyfish.

I have spent many years thinking it’s a bit lazy to do too much for me. I suspect it’s common among women. We are good at nurturing skinned knees and packing healthy bag lunches. We’ve not always been good at tending to self. I’m getting over that. In large part due to the gracious man who encourages and congratulates the times I’ve done nothing.

Who am I to think I don’t count or don’t need to be nurtured and cared for? How is that honoring to God?

I needed this reminder, as I’ve needed every single one of these prompts to find wonder. There is wonder inside and out. Around me and in me. How can there not be when I am created by the One who leaves me wonderstruck with each sunrise?

 

Letter

Dear God,

You are MY God. You have rescued me from the depths of despair and heard my plea for refuge. You lift my heart and give me joy. Joy that is more than happiness. Joy that cannot be snatched from me without my permission. Help me hold on to it tightly, God.

You have filled my life with blessings. Day after day you give me breath and sight. You delight my eyes with a sky brilliant blue or beams of sunlight streaming down. Even on a foggy morn you guide me through the mist.

 

You have surrounded me with love. First from parents then husband and children. You show me Your love through those who love me. You add to my understanding of your love with the children and grandchild you have put in our lives. My life is richer because of them. Thank you for the health of each of them. May they each desire You above all else and follow You the rest of their days.

You have entrusted us to a ministry that has brought me closer to you. Taught me more about grace and mercy and how much we all need Your grace. Undeserving we are yet You still give freely. Your love is amazing.

 

You are with me always. You know me better than I know myself. That scares me and comforts me. You fill me with wonder at Your marvelous ways.

The words of the Psalmist says “your beauty and love chase after me everyday of my life”. Yes, God, yes! Pursue me with Your beauty and love and let me live in Your house all the days of my life.

Your daughter,

Debby