It was one of those hair disasters. My honey-blonde hair was down the middle of my back. It was the 70’s. I’d braid it wet at night to have the waves that so many were getting with perms. So I got a perm. I trusted the hair stylist (I still choke as I say “stylist”) when she said she needed to cut it some. Let’s just say there were never any pictures and when my sister-in-law saw me, she leaned over and said “I’d sue.”
Here’s an idea of how long my hair was.
That led me to another salon and then another. When I explained my initial disaster at the new salon to a new hair dresser, he smiled big, bent down to reach for something and put a trucker style hat on his head that said “Trust Me”. Gulp!
Bob became my hair stylist for 15 years. He proved trustworthy.
There is a certain trust we extend everyday without thinking. But when that trust is betrayed….I don’t know about you, but I’m cautious.
“But how can people call for help if they don’t know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven’t heard of the One who can be trusted?” Romans 10:14 the Message
Trust is an issue for most of the men coming through our doors at the ARC. They’ve been on both sides: had their trust shaken and taken and proven themselves not trustworthy. It can take a while before they find they can trust us. It takes them seeing that we give not expecting anything in return. They get fed – well. They get clothes when needed. Clean and proper fitting. They have a bed, not a cot or cardboard. Because we care. We want them to know a better life. We want them to know they have value and purpose. We want to show them God’s love. They receive counseling and safe people to talk to and help them identify some issues. Still, some won’t trust.
Christmas party
Maybe I should ask the question: “At what point did you trust us?” I should. I wonder when it was.
For me, I trusted Henry, I mean really trusted him, when I knew he made me safe. That meant my problems didn’t scare him. The baggage I hauled along from my past wasn’t a concern for him. He loved me anyway. I was safe. I trusted.
Maybe it’s the same for them. When we love them anyway. And we do. I didn’t see Ernest yesterday and I’ve wondered what happened. Where is he? Is he safe? I know it’s hard out there. We love him anyway. Some are teetering and, oh, how we don’t like that but still we love them. Trust us, please. Trust us to show you the One who can be trusted. Above all others, you can trust Him to love you and never turn His back on you. It won’t always be easy, but trust Him. Trust Him with your life.
Living In Graceland 
Catching introduction!
The truth is that some people don’t even trust themselves anymore; they need somebody to trust. Reliability is not a common virtue anymore.
Lovely share!
So true, teeceecounsel, many don’t trust themselves. Thanks for sharing your insight and experience.
Trust is a huge issue for the long term addicted. Many exhibit mental illness signs of paranoia, anxiety, and personality disorders, all of which have been exacerbated by life on the streets. These problems don’t go away just because someone puts down the pipe or the bottle. Trust, like sobriety, responsibility, truthfulness, etc. is a process.
You and Henry are giving the men an opportunity to start the process.
XOXO
Yes, Lou, there are many factors at play here. I get impatient with the process as do some of them. Those that give the process a chance and work through it are the victors.
Thanks for your encouragement! Enjoy your Smoochness 😀
I am finding this to be true, my 24 yo son in an ARC in a different state is often very paranoid and anxious. He does not trust my husband or me at all. This is even after about 5 months of clean time. It gets to be very frustrating, but I do remind myself often that it’s a process. Thanks,
Alison, Lou summed it up. So often it seems to be a combination of things and not just one. It can take a while before some even trust themselves and it sounds like your son isn’t quite to that step. It’s not a “one-size-fits-all” process/program/recovery. Hang in there. I know you do. Remember it’s not personal but that’s so very hard to for parents.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I ‘m sure many can relate.
Trust, indeed. It is difficult. I trust Don implicitly. But there are more people in this world than the love of my life: It is comforting to know there is a higher power that is loving and accepting No Matter What. I’m glad i had my reading glasses on today 😉 This was just the ticket for me today … i’m going to the DENTIST in an hour. Trust your Higher Power! Tolerate and pray for your dentist’s soul! xoxoxox Mel
Oh, mel, how you always bring a smile to my face. Yes, pray for your dentists soul! 😀 I have dentist, routine tests and exams all coming up in the next few weeks too….boo! But better to be proactive.
I often say, “Trust cannot be required; it must be earned.”
But you say it so much more understandably, here.
Thanks, I needed this.
True, Katharine. Like Lou said, it’s a process. One I often want to speed up but not for the best. It’s good for me to see that. I keep trying.
Having deservedly lost the trust of others in my addiction, I have come to learn that the only way to rebuild trust is to simply be trustworthy. We cannot force the rebuilding of trust on anyone. We just have to BE trustworthy and let them decide for themselves. Their trust in us is essentially not our business.
We may even become trustworthy again yet certain others will not trust us. That is not our issue any longer, it is theirs. They have their own part in the trust relationship. And perhaps it is their weakness, and their inability to participate in the trust equation that limits things.
So we cannot take this on. We just need to BE. A good case in point is my ex wife. She got tired of listening to my pleas and presuasions to get her to trust me. I had become untruthful in my alcoholism. Unfortunately, she could not bring herself to trust again and I did not know how to become trustworthy again…. until I got the help I needed to get sober and recover… for a prolonged period…. 5+ years in fact.
One day she finally came to me and thanked me for being trustworthy. It was nothing I said, and everything to do with what I simply did and am now. She had to draw her own conclusions.
Trust is a delicate and fickle thing. It ought not be forced on anyone. It works on its own timeline. And sadly, can be broken beyond known repair.
Ciao.
Chaz
I hear you, Chaz. It’s frustrating on both sides: for the addict and the friend/family. There’s no short cut to this. It has to be lived out more than spoken. I think there’s a saying that goes something like “don’t tell me, show me”. That definitely fits for trust.
Thanks for adding to the conversation. You always bring good insight.